God Moves Mountains!

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Good morning!

Its been so long since I’ve written anything in my journal. Why? Because God has been busy moving mountains. Wow, what a journey I’ve been on.

I just want to say; my mom is amazing and has been such a wonderful support system for me during my time of trials and tribulations. My mom constantly urged me to keep looking to God for all my needs; peace, love, joy, and happiness. Thank you mom for loving me so much and for not letting me give up.

When people say “boy, you seem different” what changed? I often say I found Jesus, but the truth is he was never lost; I was! Thankfully he found me!

Let me tell you something; God has been really busy moving mountains in my life.

Let me back up a bit…….

A few months ago I had a huge set back and fell into a deep depression once again. I simply gave up. Once again my mom encouraged me to seek and glorify God. I prayed and prayed but seemed to get  worse.

I was so exhausted one day I just cried out to God and simply said “God help me”….nothing more nothing less. That next morning I felt peaceful, rested, different.

Of course I called my mom, she says ” I woke up at 2am this morning thinking about you and I called and put you on a prayer list”. Man, God is amazing. Then she says something that set me on a road I never dreamed I would travel.

My mom says make a list; a list of things you want in a job. What? That’s crazy but ok. So I put the craziest non reachable goals down on paper then I gave it to God. That was March 2nd. But listen to this….. On march 1st I had a dream of the sun rising, the sun was so bright I had to squint my eyes, then I woke up singing “its time for us to do something”. Instantly I knew it was from God.

Fast forward to March 6th I applied for my unreachable job and on March 7th I was called in for a interview. Let me say this; “I had never done this kind of work before and I had no experience in this field. Well, on March 15th I was hired. I went back and looked at my list and 10 of the 13 things on my list God gave me. Holy, holy God is amazing. I start my new unreachable job Tuesday. Not only did God answer my prayers about getting a job but I prayed asking God to let me go someplace to kind of start over or just new surroundings. Well, I move into my new apartment in my new city Monday. What? I know God is amazing.

This has been a long exhausting journey, but thankfully God never gave up on me and never let me give up on him. Now my new journey begins.

God is good!  My road has been rough and bumpy and I’m sure I’ll continue to have trials and tribulations, but now I know I’m not alone….. I have my father right by my side. I can face anything with God holding my hand.

Anyone out there who thinks you’ll never be healed, you’ll never get a job, you’ll never see your break -through, seek God, he loves everyone regardless of your past and I promise God will set you free and the blessings will be bigger than you ever imagined.

Well, with my heavenly father by my side I’m off and running.

I love you Jesus, I love you, I love you. Its time for me to put God first and now maybe God can use me for his good and as a witness of his healing, love, mercy, forgiveness, and glory.

God bless everyone and may your day be filled with Gods love and blessings.

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Depression Isn’t Funny!

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I can tell you from my own experience depression isn’t fun, it isn’t something you just “snap” out of .  Depression hurts, it’s draining, its sadness, degrading, you feel helpless, and a lot of times hopeless with no end in sight.

 

Depression isn’t something to poke fun at…… when we talk about anxiety, depression, and fear as Christians, we need to make sure we are being sensitive.  God heals everyone who asks, God will never leave you nor forsake you, God will give you strength and grace to get through it, but when we talk about all God can and will do, lets remember not to follow it up by “poking fun”, it’s not funny, I think a lot of times especially preachers on TV,  think being funny lightens the mood, and sometimes it does, but sometimes it doesn’t and can often times makes us feel worse, or make us feel we’re doing something wrong, or that we’re not focusing on God and healing correctly. Wrong!!! Stop worrying about what others say or think, God created each one of us differently on purpose , we hurt differently, love differently, and care differently, our only constants is Gods love for us,  so remember to be sensitive, loving, and caring when dealing with Gods children who suffering from depression.

There were many days when my depression was so bad all I could think about was the pain and suffering, as hard as I tried I couldn’t just “snap” out of it, there were days when I couldn’t be positive or think happy thoughts, Oh, I knew somewhere in my head, Gods with me, but the dark cloud continued to linger regardless how hard I tried.  In time God healed me from my deep depression, but I’ll never forget the pain and suffering I went through and that’s why I feel is so important to take depression seriously. Depression isn’t funny.

Rant to myself for the day!!!!!!!!

 

 

“Take Up Your Bed, And Walk”!!!

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There are times in my life where God does something so amazing I want to shout it from the mountain tops, then I think, if I tell people they’re going to think I’m full on crazy.

Well, last night God did something so amazing its hard to put in words.  In the middle of the night I woke up with the craziest feeling, “complete peace”, for a few moments I had a peace come over me that I can’t really explain.  Instantly I knew God was telling me; “stop worrying about things you can not control”, “stop worrying about your future, I got this”.  I have no doubt that was God speaking to me in the middle of the night.  For the last couple of days I’ve been overly concerned about my future and not hearing from God.  I would pray then meditate and listen “nothing”, ok, well maybe God has me right where I’m supposed to be, don’t do anything yet, ok, I’ll continue to wait.   Then out of no where God shows up and covers me with his peace.  Wow, isn’t God is great?

I don’t know why I worry, how many scriptures are there in the bible about worrying and being anxious? To many to list…….

DO NOT BE ANXIOUS ABOUT ANYTHING.  PHILIPPIANS 4:16

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?  Matthew 6:25

There are so many times I sit down to write I think “stop talking about the past, just focus on the here and now”, then I hear “rise, take up your bed and walk”.    HMMM, is God telling me something?  Absolutely!  He wants everyone to see where he found me and how he healed me.  So, yes I will carry by bed with me at all times, I want others who are hurting and broken to see just how wonderful, gracious, forgiving, and patient God is.  If he can heal me, he can heal anyone.  I will continue to write about where I come from, where I am now, and the plans God has for me in the future.

 

I leave you with this:

John 5:8-9

Jesus said to him, “Rise, take up your bed and walk.” And immediately the man was made well, took up his bed, and walked.

 

 

 

 

Up, Up, and Away!

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LET GOD BE YOUR SUPER HERO!

If you spend any amount of time with my eight year old grandson you will quickly learn the love he has for Superman, Batman, and Luke Skywalker.  I often wonder what’s the fascination? No, he doesn’t have a shrine set up, he doesn’t pray or worship Superman, Batman, or Luke, but he does have a healthy love for each one of these figures, he can sit for hours telling your about each one of their super powers, how each one has saved the universe, he gets so excited, his eyes light up, and he’s instantly energized.

What is a super hero? Someone who has the super ability or superpower and acts heroically and brave, self-sacrificing, with great strength and ability.  A legendary figure who has superhuman powers.  A mystical or legendary figure who isn’t self centered or selfish.  Some psychologists believe it’s healthy for children to believe in these mystical or legendary figures, other don’t, I have no idea, but the world is full of good and evil. I love knowing my grandson chooses GOOD.

I need a super hero in my life, no wait, I have the super hero of all super hero’s, the supreme super hero, God!  My super hero doesn’t wear tights, a cape, leap tall buildings, or move faster than a speeding bullet, by super hero moves faster than the speed of light, moves mountains, parts the sea, created all the earth and stars, he heals, protects, fills us with love, joy and peace, and the beauty of it all we get to be his side kick, not Lois Lane or Robin, us! When you talk to me about my super hero you’ll see my eyes light up, get instantly excited and energized, my God isn’t mystical or imaginary, My God is real. My hero is the hero of all hero’s,  he’s my Lord and savior.

In my darkest of dark days, when I felt I had no one and nothing to live for, my hero leaped down and rescued me. We all need a hero in our lives, look to God, he’s your hero, he saves lives, loves unconditionally, comforts, and protects, like no other can.  Look to God for protection, healing, love, peace, and joy. I did and I haven’t been the same since.

I never really realized how many people in the world are hurting, of course being my selfish self, I thought I was the only person on the planet who felt hurt, alone, numb, unhappy, but I’ve read so many posts in the last few months of people that are hurting so much, who are extremely suicidal, who are extremely depressed, who feel life isn’t worth living, who feel God has turned his back on them, who feel they’ve done too much or feel they are not worthy of Gods love.  I’m here to tell you, before God I was not a loveable person, I’ve done more wrong then right in my life, I too felt unworthy of love, protection, and peace, but my hero, picked me up dusted me off, put me back on my feet, forgave me, filled me full of love, and  best of all healed me.  You may not feel like it at the moment, but reach out to God, call out to him, he will answer you and like me, will heal you. It’s never ever to late.

I will say this; some people are healed instantly, and that’s awesome, me, no! It took time, I went through a whole lot of trials and tribulations, oh I hated every single minute of it, but today, I’m extremely happy I went through it, why?  I needed it, if I hadn’t gone through all I went through I would of went right back to my old ways, my old habits,  you see, I don’t ever want to go through anything like that again, I don’t ever again want to be where God found me; broken, unhappy, unloved, selfish, and joyless. God is good, God is loving, God is patient, God is gracious, God heals, and best of all God forgives!

 

I leave you with this:

Luke 19:10

10 For the Son of Man came to seek and to save the lost.”

 

My Mind IS Healthy, Why Do I Feel Blah?

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Good morning,

I’m happy to say I’m still feeling healthy mentally.  I’ve not had to fight off any depression or suicidal thoughts in weeks, some anxiety but not terrible.  Whenever I do get anxious it’s nothing like it was, it may last an hour or two, but it doesn’t knock me down and out for days or weeks.

It’s funny, I feel good mentally, yet I still feel something is missing.  What?

Although I’m happy and feel at peace, I’m still struggle with joy. Why?  First, I would like to say “I’m a talker, I talk, talk, talk, which is great, we should talk to God about anything and everything, rather we’re at home, work, in the car, doing laundry, doing dishes, etc… I talk, but do I listen? Do I meditate?  No, you see that’s a bit of a problem, sometimes I ask God “where are you?”, “why don’t you talk to me?”, Today I heard him say, “be still and listen”, ah my aha moment, I never take the time to sit meditate and then listen.  I heard someone once say “I talk to much when I pray”, What? Come on, how do you talk to much when you pray?  I see what they’re talking about now.  Today I decided to take a notebook with me, write down all the things I want to pray about, career, family, friends, plans, destiny, etc…. Then pray about those things, then simply meditate on those things, and really listen to what God has to say, then write down everything I see or hear, I bet before long I will start seeing Gods plans for me and a notebook full of words from my heavenly father. Sounds pretty awesome huh?

Joy?  I am a stay at home wife, I don’t work and my husband works out of the state and is only home for the weekend every two weeks, so I’m pretty much home alone all the time except for my three dogs.  I don’t like money and I don’t like spending money, so I use that as an excuse for everything, including the reason I don’t leave my house very often.  Today, I was praying “why do I still feel blah?” My mom, who is amazing and awesome always asks me “what do you dream about?” “What do you like?” My answer is always the same; I don’t have any dreams and I have no idea what I like!  Now, this may seem super weird to most people, but you have to remember the joy I had prior to finding God was in idols, money, worldly possessions, and people, so in other words I bought joy, I bought dreams, I never really learned to like anything on my own or through God.  Well Lord, here we go, hooray something else I need to learn, ugh………let’s learn what it’s like to have dreams, hope, fun (what the heck is fun?), and joy. Baby steps!!!  I guess the very first thing I should do and the Lord has nudged me a little is to;  stop lying around, stop being lazy, take care of myself, go for a walk, get out of the house, stop sleeping so much, take a shower, get out of my PJ’s, clean house, do laundry, read a book, listen to music, sit outside, go to the gym, GET SOME SUN.  HMMMMM, I wonder if any of this has any affect on my day to day joy and why I feel blah?  Yet again, God is telling me ” slow down, be happy right where you are”! This will sink in one day, I hope.

I sure have come a long way:

Started out severely depressed, anxious, extremely suicidal, mad at God, afraid, unhappy, numb, dead inside, lonely, etc….

Now, happy, loved, love, peaceful, no depression, no suicidal thoughts, very little anxiety, happy to have finally found the answers to all my problems….Our Lord.

 

 

I leave you with this:

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“>Psalm 104:34

Let my meditation be pleasing to Him; As for me, I shall be glad in the LORD.

Shout It From The Roof Top!

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Good evening,

Today sure has been interesting. All day long I’ve had the feeling something just wasn’t right, couldn’t quit put my finger on it, but almost as if something was getting between me and God, by that I mean getting closer to God, listening to God, hearing God.

Then the strangest thing happened tonight; I had (I guess for lack of a better word) “funny” feeling, in my stomach, my fingers almost felt “stiff”, and I had “tingling” in my arms, I thought oh great I’m having another anxiety attack, so I stopped and started praying, all of the sudden something came over me and I started praying like I’ve never prayed before, it was almost as if it wasn’t me praying at all, it lasted for maybe 20-30 seconds, then the feeling of “anxiety” was gone.  My first thought was; “I need to talk to my mom”, my second thought was; “what the heck just happened”? The Holy Spirt completely filled my body, it was the weirdest feeling yet the greatest feeling.

At first I thought there is no way I’m going to share this with anyone, they’ll think I’ve done lost my mind, so I tried meditating and I promise you I could not clear my mind the song “Go tell it on the mountain” kept playing in  my head and the more I tried to block it out, the louder it got……so I guess sharing was something I need to do. There is it, I’m shouting it from the roof top.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Seeking Gods Face

 

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Guess who’s still a happy, happy girl?  You guessed it, me!  Yesterday, for an hour or so I went into “panic” mode.  I started doubting Gods word and promises, and I started fearing the future. That lasted about an hour before I heard “knock it off”, oh man, sorry Lord, I let the enemy run wild with my thoughts, then it stopped and I was fine.   I’m simply amazed every single day of Gods love.

When I first started this journey, I honestly never felt Gods presence, or at least I didn’t think so, but now, I do, it’s the craziest thing, I sometimes feel a “flutter” in my stomach, or “tingling” or “waves in my arms, “warmth” in my heart, and sometimes, while praying especially, I get the chills and start to shiver.

Presence?  I’ve always heard you should seek Gods face, what?  I have no idea what that even means!

In my head it looks like this:

I’m standing on a hill looking down at the river, all around the water ice is forming, it’s breezy so the trees are blowing  a light mist of snow all around,  all the mountains and hills are packed with snow, and its snowing ever so lightly, I can hear the birds singing,  I’m  twirl around in the snow, smiling, and laughing, when suddenly I look up and I see my heavenly father, sitting looking down at me smiling, I’m so excited, I start waving  vigorously, he continues smiling and waves back. I see a lone bench at a distance, so I go and sit down, oh I make myself comfortable, cross my legs, and settle in for a good long conversation.  I talk and talk and talk, we laugh, and we cry, my heaven father listens patiently, happily, and lovingly. It’s time to go, I get up wave once more, vigorously, and my father smiles and waves back……until tomorrow.  Is this the meaning of “seeking his face”?

Then I came across this……….

Seeking the Lord means seeking his “presence”.  “Presence” is a translation of the Hebrew word “face”, so to be before his face is to be in his presence.  So cool. I know, I know God is always present, but I personally have at times been neglectful of God, his thoughts, his trust, so, for me, during those times I don’t always seek or feel his presence.  Dang, I learn something new every day.

I leave you with this:

2 Chronicles 7:14 

If my people who are called by my name humble themselves, and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land.